Oh to be a kid again. To be naive to the ugliness of the world. To live with such joy and expectation for each day. As I am blundering through this thing called parenting my kids are often the ones teaching me life lessons.
We've been in the car
some A LOT lately. Which makes for an extra cranky, overly tired family. The conversations in the car always seem to start out so positive and quickly transform into a "complain about anything and everything that the other person has ever done" fest. Why do we feel like these are the best times to discuss such deeply intimate things? This is beyond me, but alas it happened this past week. A late night conversation got a little heated between Brooks and I as we shared emotions and personal issues. Then it happened. That moment when you think your kids are asleep and you hear a faint "mommy" from the back seat. It was Cohen and he reached up and handed me a drawing of our family surrounded by a bunch of hearts. He shyly said "this is how much I love our family".
Oh my heart wanted to burst into a thousand pieces. It's moments like these that I KNOW children are a gift from God. Cohen humbles me, he brings me back to the simple things in life that are truly of importance. When I look into my children's sweet faces I want to be better. I would move heaven and earth to protect their innocence. I pray daily that it stays as long as possible. It is in their innocence and pure joy that I feel closest to Heaven.
It's the moments when I hear him quietly singing along to every song on KLove and hoping the words stick. The moments when he prays for the poor kids to have blankets. The moments when I hear him sharing and playing well with all the kids on the playground because he doesn't see their differences. The moments where I hear him watching out for his brother. The moments when he asks to hold my hand or to "just cuddle, no kisses" and watch a movie. How could anyone not believe in God? In these moments He is so vivid and real to me. I don't deserve these sweet babies. It is not because of me that they are so generous and kind. I, a broken human screw up constantly. It is only because of God's sweet grace and mercy. He gives me the strength to be the mommy He created me to be to these precious children of His. Their unconditional love amazes me. No matter how many times I mess up or lose my cool I am still the best mommy in the world to them. What a blessing!
So thank you God for these earthly blessings. Their innocence is truly a glimpse of Heaven and I will continue to be in awe of these little wonders.